nothing compares, no worries or cares.

who do you think you are running round leaving scars. you're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul.

you can't regret something you never try.
you can't go back and change time.
you can't hold back, you have to let go.



the best decision i have made in my college career is being honest with myself & others.
i haven't let someone take me for granted.
i haven't let someone not know how i feel.
i haven't let someone walk away without them knowing i love them.
i haven't made a decision without thinking about myself first.

i decided that my life is mine. it isn't about anyone else. it's about me.
god has a plan for me, and with him being there helping me make decisions i've had a
better time in college. i make good grades, i've made better friends, i've told someone
how i truly feel for them, and i couldn't be happier.


life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.
i was waiting for a rainbow in the middle of a tornado. but waiting does nothing.
doing does something. and i did something. and now, i can see what i was missing out on.
i've discovered new plans for my life. new potential. new places. it's all around just honesty.

be honest with yourself. it will give you the best perspective YOU need.
be honest with others. no one realizes how much the truth means. it's a beautiful thing.



thank you god for everything you have given me and thank you for holding my hand when i felt so scared.
thank you for showing me where i should be. thank you for being in my heart. thank you for my life.

bring it, life.

she is

college, oh my.

i love it. classes are going great, roommates are amazing, and my friends i'm making are just incredible.
it's amazing how one thing can turn into another. there's one person that made me see that, and it's
jesus. and i can't even believe what i was missing out on. thank you god, for making my life so fun.



thank you chase burnett for being there for me<3

ding

so i figured out what i hate.
it's not school.
it's not stillwater.
it's not missing home.



i was letting you take a temporary situation control my entire outlook on a place that was meant for me.
i'm where i'm supposed to be. i'm going through things i'm supposed to go through. i'm getting stronger &
when you decided you didn't want to be apart of it, all i saw was my world crashing, when really it was building up to
something so great. this is something i need to do. i need to move on. i need to let you go & not control how i view
my life. i need to enjoy college. i need to live how i'm supposed to. & you can't control that anymore.

i got this.

colder weather.

he thinks of colorado, and the girl he left behind.
he said i wanna see you again
but i'm stuck in colder weather
maybe tomorrow will be better
can i call you then?




music seems to be the only way of expressing myself lately. and that's fine.



if he wanted to, he'd call. if he wanted to, he'd come to stillwater. if he wanted to, he'd make the effort. if he wanted to, he'd try everything he could to get me back. if he wanted to, he'd be here. if he wanted to, he would.
but he's not. so i'll just blog. and rant to you.

no one.

for i felt what i had not felt before.

moveonmoveonmoveonmoveonmoveon.



Well, maybe it's just me and my blind optimism to blame
Or maybe it's you and your sick need to give love then take it away
The girl in the dress cried the whole way home
But all you are is mean
All you are is mean and a liar and pathetic and alone in life.
Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted
He would try to take away my pain
And he just might make me smile
But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead
You told me you loved me so why did you go away, go away
But now I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes
All that I know is I don't know
How to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips
And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you, you wish you had stayed
We can plan for a change in weather and time
I never planned on you changing your mind
I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us
How we met and the sparks flew instantly
People would say they're the lucky ones
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
But you held your pride like you should have held me
I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how
I've never heard silence quite this loud
Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore


People are people and sometimes they change their minds, but it's killing me to see you go after all this time.
You're not sorry.

that's a mix of a lot of taylor swifts songs. i just picked out the parts that really hit me. so, if you read it all it's awesome i think.
in a nut shell. that's how i feel. thank you taylor swift for writing music and it come straight from my heart to your songs. i'll get there someday. when i do, it'll be great. just one day and one step at a time.


goodbye to you and all your crap. i don't need it. or you.

movies

you know that part in movies where everything turns to complete crap, or people go through a break up, or you go through a series of bad events & a music montage comes on and it goes by way quicker than it does in real life?


well i need a music montage right now. because this seriously has been the worst roller coaster ride of my life.

i go from an awesome day, to a night where i won't sleep and start a day that feels as if everything goes wrong and everything i touch breaks in half. i'm just not sure what god has in store for me at this point. i feel so lost and so out of it. like i have a new roommate, a new place to live & i love that. but i guess the problem is the unknown. i'm like my dad that way i guess. he hates not knowing what's happening. i need to pray for faith i guess.

heartbreak warfare.

listening to john mayer is awesome. everyone go do it. every CD. none in particular. just go.



i loved today. my mommy came and hung out. and i just love her. and my life right now.

i went to church tonight and i feel amazing. god is so good.
thank you for everything in my life.
everything is gonna be okay.

al;kdsjf

today was a good day.

for the most part! god seriously loves me and has given me so much mercy.
i got back to stillwater with like 15 minutes to get to class.
but that means i have to: find a parking spot, go up to my room and get my books, then walk to class.
def not enough time to do all these things.

so i parked at a store where the sign clearly said i would get towed, but i parked anyway.
i got to class right on time & after class i was driving around looking for an actual spot
and out of nowhere right up front someone starts backing out. thank you god.
so i got a nice spot, made it to class, and got all of my homework done.

now i'm sitting in a friends room watching tv & stopped to blog and let you guys know about my day.
if anyone cares. which is highly doubtful.

i love you tyler. if you're reading.

tears

i messed up. pretty badly. and it's all my fault.

and even though i can't fix it, i hope he knows i'm sorry. i love him to the moon and back and i'd give anything at all to help.


i hope that everyday to making my heart go back together goes by quickly and that i can understand why i would even do this. i want to talk to my best friend, but he is my best friend. he fixes everything. and i took that for granted.



i love you.

so.

as far as college goes.
i'm not enjoying it like i thought i would.



at all.


but i'm going to stick it out for awhile and come home more than i should just because i can. i just hate not having my family with me. i'm like a chicken with my head cut off without my mom. it's ridiculous. i'm trying to fight through tears while writing this, so i'm going to quit and tell you i'm in tennessee. but on monday i'll be back in stillwater. great.


goodnight.

you look like

a bunch of bird robots.



thank god for the direction in my life & that the lord has prepared the path for me.

you

there's john deere boots in my back seat.

i wish i could rewind summer.

the week before college

goes like this:
monday; i get my rylee girl, she's staying the night & i'm going to dinner for the last time with my trainer girls. ( so sad! )
tuesday; rylee will be here all day & my sister is coming for dinner.
wednesday; i'm getting my hair done & i'm going to dinner with my nanny and papa and my cousins.
thursday; i'm making my rounds around town to make sure i hug and kiss everyone i need to.
friday; i start pack up my clothes and going through my closet.
saturday; i'm going to see tyler at his dorm & then go to church.
sunday; finish packing & load up the car & get last minute items.
monday; MOVING DAY.



hopefully i'll stay busy and it will go quickly! going to miss home and my daddy's food.
but it's time to grow up! LETS GO!

well, i'm a sucky blogger/emailer/facebooker.

since i've last blogged (june 23) i've done a lot!
i'd say it's been one of the best summers so far.

so, it's been hot. really hot. but that's okay. means i can get a nice tan.
which i have done! i've spent a lot of time with my girls & my man. which has been super nice.
considering i leave in less than a month.

on july 1st me and tyler & tyler's family left for the beach for ten days! we went to topsail island & had a BLAST.
the second the car was unloaded we put on swim suits and ran to the water.
the first real day was all on the beach, then every other day we would go into town
and get a malt & shop or whatever else we could find to do. i got to spend an entire week with him
and his great family & i had a blast. there are so many stories i could tell, but i won't bore you.

when i got back, i had about 5 days then my mom, nanny, and i left for dallas!
we weren't even out of tulsa when we got lost. of course.
but we had a blast. we shopped until we dropped, literally.
we went to a cute little small town, watched USA soccer, met some cowboys in an elevator,
and as quick as we got there we left. i love trips with them. and will soon be making another!
only a little bit farther of a drive.

my last day of work is august 5! kind of sad, cus i won't have any money. but it's okay.

i bought all of my dorm stuff in dallas at ikea! it was awesome. i'm so excited.

now until i leave for school is see everyone before they leave & see as much of my sister
and her cute little family until then.

rylee came over yesterday & stayed the night the night before. she's the greatest. and so is little bentley.
she loves her ty. always making sure he's watching her & talking to her. it's hilarious. i love it.

enough babbling i guess.
l8r.

blue

i need blue water and some warm sand.
a boat & an ice tea.

a long road trip, and tons of laughs.

that just sounds ideal at this point.

i've become quite the night owl.

i guess it comes with my favorite season. and that is okay with me.





i'll be up for awhile.

SUMMER

awesome!

so, i've been watching a bunch of youtube the past like month because i'm REALLY unable to sleep lately.
and i really enjoy watching people tell me about their lives. it's cool and awesome to find someone to relate to.
and also, it's cool to see what people are buying or where they shop, or stuff like that. i'm really into hair and clothes
well......when i'm in the mood for it. like i love putting my hair up or braiding it or something like that. and i also love
buying clothes and online shopping. which could be bad.....but for now it's good. especially since i'm making my own
money. but usually i don't work a lot so it all goes to my gas. it really sucks. if i could buy a gas efficient car that would be great
but i don't see that happening ANY time soon. but soon i won't be driving very much...so hopefully i'll have more money to shop.
hopefully.


this past week i graduated! it was the most surreal thing ever. like all week i just wanted it to be friday for the weekend. but then i put on my heels and my dress and then my cap and gown. and then i got there and there was so many people and cameras and WOW. i was so happy. my whole family was there & i just loved it. AND I DIDN'T TRIP. after graduation was grad bash. and my parents were there so it was fun. we had blow up stuff & a photo booth, which i'm sure my mom will put the pictures up of, and they also had a hypnotist which was freaking cool.


so tyler painted my nails the other day. and i'm loving the color. they are a pinkish purple. like imagine barney, but cute.
we also went shopping today and i got some new clothes and a coach bag thingy. i can put my keys, wallet, and cards, license, etc allll in it. I LOVE IT. and plus when MY mom gets jealous of a purse thingy i get i know it's good. she's obsessed. which is perfectly okay. (i am too)!

so i've come up with a college check list i'm going to use my grad money for & i thought you'd like to see. i'm living in a traditional dorm so i share a bathroom with the whole floor & a room with my bestfriend. so it'll be fun, i think.


list:
shower caddy
new hair dryer....mine sucks.
picture frames & TONS OF THEM.
my sweet and amazing nanny got me the cutest towel that is velcro and a little hair thing i can hold my hair up!
we got pretty much all of our appliances. (fridge, microwave, coffee, tv)
new sheets (preferably cotton)
i need to go through allll my clothes & shoes, because i seriously have too much.
storage bins
bathroom stuff, like new bobby pins, rubber bands, body wash, perfume, and anything that me and my mom share that we are going to have to part with.
that's pretty much all i can think of right now, but i'm sure there's more! if you think of ANYTHING i might need or i'm forgetting or suggestions PLEASE let me know!

young and beautiful

so i was thinking today...well i guess the past week.

and i was really down on myself.

like REALLY down on myself.
i've been really lazy, and really just non-
existent.

and i really hate that. i really hate not being who i really am, and not trying at all.



the school year is almost out....and i'm a senior so of course i'm going to be lazy, but seriously this is out of control. i don't even get out of bed early enough to freaking wear anything except a tshirt and jeans..you'll be lucky enough to see me without my hair up and my motivation to do anything except sleep after school is very rare. i seriously am not happy with myself.


i need that extra kick in the butt.

i've felt i wasn't good enough, i wasn't pretty enough, i wasn't 'cool' enough, i wasn't anything.
but i am. i'm beautiful, i'm strong, i'm good enough, i'm worth it. i have everything that god has given me.


i think the reason i've been doing this is the past month i've been called to do some senior stuff. which calls for dressing nice, doing your hair, wearing the right shoes, getting the right outfit and i just feel out of place because i'm not that kind of girl. i wear whatever is on the floor and smells good and i don't give a flying crap what everyone else thinks. and that's fine and everything, but it's also okay to look pretty and look fun and even though you don't want to get out of bed, you feel better when you look better. at least in personal experience, when i wake up and get ready, and i feel good about myself, my day goes better. rather than when i wake up late, and get that extra thirty minutes and throw on that tshirt that came off the floor that i might have worn yesterday (who really knows.) and i think that's what really counts. it's okay to lose that little extra time, just to make your day better.

i also feel better when i eat better. eating the right food isn't hard for me. i'm not sure why....but i hate sweets. i love sugar just like any other person. but i don't go home and eat ice cream or cake or chips and stuff. i'd rather have an apple or some strawberries and stuff. i'm not sure why, BUT THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS.

i also felt better in the summer after i biked. my teacher usually takes us all biking and i was going usually every other weekend. so i was pretty in shape. it was great. i got out so many emotions and after that bike ride i felt empowered. i just miss that feeling i guess. so this week....well really this past 3 hours that i haven't been able to sleep i've decided i'm going to do just that.

i'm going to get up, i'm going to do my best, i'm going to eat my best, and i'm going to be active. i feel this is beauty. i feel being the best i can be is beautiful. and i thank god i had this time to think.....even though this is going to be really hard to get up in about 5 or so hours and conquer what i've just typed....i am going to do it.


i hope someone else out there is feeling the same way and i hope you can go with me through this time!

thanks for reading.

RIP

miss you, hance.


5/6/11

gosh

it seems as though every time i blog, i grow up 10 more years.
it's becoming quite ridiculous.


anyway.

so this month of may has turned from hurry up school, i wanna graduate, to holy crap slow down i'm scared.

i got some things from my papa about a week ago. it was nice but, it was so surreal to open a box and smell his shirt and know it was real and that i couldn't pick up the phone and call him and tell him thank you. i couldn't call or send him a thank you card.

i've been trying to keep my room clean in practice for moving out. but shoot. it ain't working. my roommate halie, will probably hate me come august, but she's stuck with me :)

i graduate in 16 days. it's kind of freaking me out. especially moving out. like sleeping in mom and dad's bed when i'm sick doesn't happen anymore, and having your laundry done, and having your mom there when you have a bad day.

this will be an eye opener. but i'm super stoked. especially buying dorm stuff :)

tyler signed with a college to play soccer. i'm kind of scared. but we'll be okay! he'll do great and i'll do great, we'll just be apart being great. i suppose.

we made quilts in one of my classes and i'm excited to see what it turns out like. hopefully good.


i'm ready for college. but i'm scared to grow up. does that make sense?








I can't wait to prove all the cheerleaders, popular crowd, and hater clubs that there's more than just high school. this homecoming queen is going to be someone some day, and i can't wait to show you. bring it!

blahblahblahblah

so.....
i went to OSU this weekend.

and.

i'm going to RUSH. i know. it sounds like "what a preppy move". but it's really not. my best friend halie told me i should, and i was totally against it for a LONG time. so i went to greek discovery day, and i couldn't have been more wrong. those girls were amazing. they were so nice and helpful and fun and crazy. and i want to join them! i cannot wait.

me and halie got our dorm assignment last week as well.
top. floor. not many of you know, but i'm T.E.R.R.I.F.I.E.D of heights.
so this will obviously be something i'll have to get used to and god will pull me through!

i was supposed to get my dress altered today.....but due to an emergency chiropractor visit, i was unable to do so. my dress is about 3 or 4 inches too long. but that's easily fixed.....so i'm told.

apparently..my back is a little curvy. so i'm going to do some rehab and some stretches and some back poppin' for a little while.

i'm doing really well with my grades. which is surprising since i'm a senior accepted to collge. very rare you find that at owasso high school. but i'm one of the rare people i guess :)

so this morning was awful.
it was slightly drizzling. i woke up, LATE. and while driving to school cramming down breakfast (people: don't drive and eat, it's stupid and you'll soon find out why..) and i spilled my food on me, then while trying to clean up i spilled my drink on me. while also thinking about the detention i'll be getting because i'll be late.

so i turn around, change clothes get to school explain my lateness and the receptionist is SO kind and says i can go free. THANK YOU GOD! it was a turn around for the day. besides the AWFUL back pain i was experiencing. you guys should have seen the x-rays. it was weird.

my job is going good. i love the people i work with, and the schedule is pretty flexible. although i've already had to ask someone to cover for me....bad i know. it was for a good cause though. i was going to OSU.

tyler is doing good as well i believe. besides the college decision. he can't seem to make up his mind on what he wants to do. but it's okay. he's a typical 18 year old, and this is totally normal. i thought i had my future set and this time last year and now i'm set for an actual college and RUSHING. so i' don't blame him for not knowing what he wants to do. god has his timing in everything and has a plan for ty.

i love my mom and dad. they're just the coolest..except they are yelling at me to come finish a show! so i should depart and just leave you with that little update.


<3

MILEY

so it's raining, cold, and gross outside.

BUT. i got a dress. for prom.
and this year...i'm excited.
not that i wasn't last year. but this year is the one i'll ultimatley remember.
i haven't been asked yet, but i will be. he's working on it.



2 days ago, i went on a date. with my bestfriend.
he took me to dinner, and a funny movie. and i had a really good time.
he's like the best thing. ever.

where are your guts to fly?


anyway. life couldn't get any better as of last week.
i got a job. FINALLY. i got accepted to my number one college. FINALLY.
i had a 2 year anniversary with my bestfriend. YAY. and i also spent
time with my rylee girl. THAT IS A GOOD WEEK GUYS.


i have yet to respond to miley. and she probably hates me, poop.
BUT i hope she reads this and knows i'm still alive.
i just feel as though the best way to respond to the last email i sent is on my blog.
SO PLEASE READ THIS MILEY!


i've never been excited to go to school. nor will i ever be excited to wake up. BUT.
knowing i have a job and college coming up, i will get up happy and smiling.

bring on graduation and my first day of work.

which is tomorrow. i can't wait.


thank you god for everything you've put in my life. especially the timing in everything.

thank god for tyler, and my parents. and also that little booger that lives down the hall that sometimes i claim as my little brother. i love him.

bye people.

i think

do people watch fairy tales anymore?
i think you should.



especially you boys.

thanks guys.

i was

i met someone. well, not really met them, but got to know them.
this snow has brought us to the things that keep us together when cars, school, or social gatherings can't. and that's texting, blogging, facebook, 4AM calls, and just talking to each other.

i met this person the year, but it's only been a mutual thing. like the occasional facebook comment, or hi when we see each other. but obviously we are all stuck. and one night this person and i began to chat. and i found out this person isn't at all what they seem. i'll admit, i made a judgment. and this book is not at all like it's cover. this person is a great, inspiring kid. and from what i judged, was very shy. but. everybody has a story. and trust me they did. i'm so glad i met you. you are such a great kid, and most of all shown me that not everyone is what they seem. and not everyone is the person you create in your head. because they're not. isn't it awesome that no one has the same finger prints? that not everyone is the same. that we're all different. that we all have different personalities. that we can all shine in a different way. we're all different.

which makes me think about this.....


there is something about people that just fascinates me. we all have masks. we all have that something that we hide. somehow we all manage to do it. even i do. and this is something so stupid that comes with growing up. do you remember when you were like 5 and nothing was ever a problem and nothing broke you and nothing got in your way, except wanting to grow up. growing up is not my favorite thing. i don't want to be the person with a mask. and i never want people to find out i have one. and i decided i'd take mine off. i don't want to look back at my life and say, what was i thinking, or why in the world would i pretend? and i hope that someday everyone at owasso highschool figures that out. everyone is different. just because they don't wear uggs, or have a north face, or they don't wear make up, or their hair isn't straight, doesn't mean they are weird, or not worth your time, or don't have anything in common with you. they are unique in their own way. just like you. just like me. or justin bieber. everyone is gonna go somewhere. whether it's a CEO, an artist, a mountain biker, or a teacher. we're all going somewhere. just different roads and different destinations.

long live all the magic we made, bring on all the pretenders i'm not afraid.
long live the walls that crashed through, all the kindom lights shine just for me and you.
i love you taylor swift.


bye people.

great.

i feel so weird today.

i looked at old furniture and stuff. i wish i was rich so i could buy it all. or atleast make it.

we've been out of school for a week, because of snow. so maybe that's why i've been so weird.
i went sledding. and i plan on growing out my hair. for like the fourth time.
i need patience.

me and a friend are going to chicago soon. i can't wait.

that's all i guess.

ugh.