this song for real though.

We still live the same town, well don't we? But I don't see you around anymore. I go to all the same places Not even a trace of you. Your days are numbered at 24. And I'm getting bored waiting 'round for you. We're not getting any younger. And I won't look back 'cause there's no use. Its time to move forward. I feel no sympathy. You live inside a cave You barely get by, the rest of us are trying There's no need to apologize I've got no time for feeling sorry. Well I try not to think of what might happen. When your reality it finally cuts through. Well as for me I got out and I'm on the road. The worst part is that this, this could be you. You know it too. You can't run from your shame. You're not getting any younger. Time keeps passing by But you wave it away. Its time to roll over. I feel no sympathy. You live inside a cave. You barely get by, the rest of us are trying. There's no need to apologize I've got no time for feeling sorry. And all the best lies they are told with fingers tied. So cross 'em tight. Won't you promise me tonight. If its the last thing you do you'll get out. I feel no sympathy. You live inside a cave. You barely get by, the rest of us are trying. There's no need to apologize I've got no time for feeling sorry. I feel no sympathy. You live inside a cave. You barely get by, the rest of us are trying. There's no need to apologize I've got no time. I've got no time for feeling sorry.

slightly annoyed

i think if you only think about yourself you should live in your own bubble.
where there's no one around you, you go home, you work in your own cubicle, you eat alone, you take care of yourself. what i'm trying to say is, stay away from me.


i'm done being treated the way i have been lately.
it's annoying.

i deserve a lot more than what people around me are giving me. i do everything for my friends, not in expectation for anything in return. but after a few years of getting nothing, i'm getting irritated.


DONE. later bro.

i'm a princess and i'll be treated like one. friends, boyfriend, anyone.
i owe my parents everything, and i end up treating them like poop. of everyone
i'm around, they are always there, they always treat me with respect, they always have
my best interest.

dang it.






goodbye.

but really.

so i didn't have the greatest day. but hey, whatever.


i've realized something though while laying in my bed.

i try too hard. i try entirely too hard to make things work and for things to be absolutely perfect.
not every aspect in my life is like that, but a lot of things are. like relationships are a great example.
if someone calls me at 3 AM and they are having car troubles, i WILL go get them even if i don't have the
money to pay for gas, or i have class in four hours. i want to be the perfect friend.
and with my boyfriend, i try too hard to be perfect for him. i put on a show really.
when i go to class i do my hair, i put on jeans and a shirt and try to look presentable.
why?


i really don't know. maybe it's college and learning to be an adult and live on my own, but when i'm alone in my room, my glasses are on. my hair is on top of my head. i have a tshirt on and my socks don't match. i trip over everything, i spill constantly, and my clothes aren't folded in my closed drawers. but you would never know that. because i'm trying too hard.
so what i've decided to do is let go.

i've decided starting right now & for the next week (maybe longer if i like it)
i'm not going to make a list of things i need to do that day.
i'm not going straighten my hair.
i'm going to wear whatever i want, even if it means weird looks.
i'm going to wear my glasses to class.
i'm going to not care.
i'm going to turn my phone off one day.
i'm going to stay off of Facebook and twitter and just disappear.
i'm going to just let go. not concentrate so hard on what others want to see and be whatever. i'm just going to be a mess.
it's gonna be great.




hopefully i can figure this out and figure out why i'm being so weird, and why i have to put on a show. but thank you god for showing me my stupid ways.

so.

a lot has happened in the last couple months.


<3