Thursday, 2 February 2012

but really.

so i didn't have the greatest day. but hey, whatever.

i've realized something though while laying in my bed.

i try too hard. i try entirely too hard to make things work and for things to be absolutely perfect.
not every aspect in my life is like that, but a lot of things are. like relationships are a great example.
if someone calls me at 3 AM and they are having car troubles, i WILL go get them even if i don't have the
money to pay for gas, or i have class in four hours. i want to be the perfect friend.
and with my boyfriend, i try too hard to be perfect for him. i put on a show really.
when i go to class i do my hair, i put on jeans and a shirt and try to look presentable.

i really don't know. maybe it's college and learning to be an adult and live on my own, but when i'm alone in my room, my glasses are on. my hair is on top of my head. i have a tshirt on and my socks don't match. i trip over everything, i spill constantly, and my clothes aren't folded in my closed drawers. but you would never know that. because i'm trying too hard.
so what i've decided to do is let go.

i've decided starting right now & for the next week (maybe longer if i like it)
i'm not going to make a list of things i need to do that day.
i'm not going straighten my hair.
i'm going to wear whatever i want, even if it means weird looks.
i'm going to wear my glasses to class.
i'm going to not care.
i'm going to turn my phone off one day.
i'm going to stay off of Facebook and twitter and just disappear.
i'm going to just let go. not concentrate so hard on what others want to see and be whatever. i'm just going to be a mess.
it's gonna be great.

hopefully i can figure this out and figure out why i'm being so weird, and why i have to put on a show. but thank you god for showing me my stupid ways.